Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mom said you looked used
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
