my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
