There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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