Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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