did you get engaged???
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
