we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
