We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
