that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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