True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
this hospital has no fireball
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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