Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
