I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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