I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
