A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
