Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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