I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
