now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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