i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
