took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
