I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
