Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
