Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
