your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
