Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
