Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
