the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
