I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
