i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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