my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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