When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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