How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
