The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
