my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
