i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
