We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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