I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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