btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
