I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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