he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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