Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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