to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
