he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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