Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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