My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
