tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
People in love make me want to vomit
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
