My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
