Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So squirting runs in the family.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
