i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Screwed.edu
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
