don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
