I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
