Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
