I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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