Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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