So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize