That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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