tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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