dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
