____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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