I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
