oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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