Say something about gay babies.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize