you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Randomize
