2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
