I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
