sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
