Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
