So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
