i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
