I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
