That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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