saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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