even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
