he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
