Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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