Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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