The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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