i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
