she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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