Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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