You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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